Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
