threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
