Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize