Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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