he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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