You just made me feel so damn special
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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