Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
