I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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