i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
