I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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