Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
