Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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