dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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