hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
