You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
