Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The uberlube is also flammable
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
