That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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