There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
