That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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