i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
