"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
