I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
