I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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