i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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