I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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