if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
