Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
