I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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