So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
babies were throwing up all over the place
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
