cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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