I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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