So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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