Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
