I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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