my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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