the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
