Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
