he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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