Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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