I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize