You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
