Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
