Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize