tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
