You made me cry and you don't even care
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
