I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
