Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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