8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
