dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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