I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
