It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
