this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize