All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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