My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
