I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
