are you still at the devil's house?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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