he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
