where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
