He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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