I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
