I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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