I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
