I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
