His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
