I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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