Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
