Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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