Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
