Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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