Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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